It's not being selfish

hey there. 

I think I've calmed down enough to push the thoughts deep down, and I mean really deep. I know it's wrong to be like this, avoiding situations and just letting things be. But I've been living that way. So right now, I believe that everything will be alright sooner or later. I just have to focus on my studies first and all my other activities. I can distract myself for as long as I want and I don't care, because if I start to I'll just end up confused and too distracted to learn and live my life.

This all sounds selfish and whatnot, but come on! I have had enough of all this. Giving way to other people, thinking and worry of other people, helping with problems and concerns of other people. When will I get to think of my own for once. My own well-being, my own happiness, my own life!

I know that people have noticed how I would always move people ahead of me and one of them told me "You should stop this, it's not good for you anymore". To think the person who told me this is someone whom I have been hanging out with for 3 years while my other and older friends haven't thought of noticing how I really am. Maybe they have gotten used to it or they just didn't notice at all because I'm just in the sidelines for them.

Here's a thought, why do our newer friends realize how one's personality is earlier than our older friends? :/